Why We Hurt Our Loved Ones, And How To Stop It

You love each other but you can not handle communication without arguing, fighting and keeping tired, everyone in his corner, trying to lick the wounds and thinking about how you can protect yourself from new attacks. And on top of that you love each other? How is this possible? Why do people abuse their loved ones?

How is it possible for us to show love for our neighbor? How come we are full of good intentions but when the truth comes out we find ourselves shouting and criticizing each other. Then the monster jumps down our throat to choke us again.

How can you stop this infernal behavior?

First let me explain why this is happening.

We all need energy. We need energy to live and survive. Power comes in many forms: love, attention, passion, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition.

We all need this in order to feel good, to build our personality and to find our place in society.

But here it is: as long as we think this power should come from other people, we will be caught in the struggle. Because man's power is limited. We must fight for it. Man's power does not last. It is not enough. So we have to be very fast, very smart, very good, in order to attract the attention of another and draw his strength.

If this doesn't work, we try another strategy. We are trying to draw attention to the wrong behavior. Every child learns this quickly in his or her first life: when he or she quietly plays with his or her toys, the mother continues to cook dinner or talk to the father. But as soon as a baby hurts its little sister or plays with it, mothers are quick to notice. You scream maybe, angry or worried, but it doesn't matter, all this attention to the baby! He learns very quickly what behaviors give him the greatest amount of attention and energy. When his mother or father looks at him, even angrily, he is still strong! When they scolded him they gave him power. Bad energy, okay, but better than no energy at all.

As we grow older, and start dating, we find something very interesting: when we fall in love, we gain more energy (read: attention, interest, time, love, etc.) for free. Someone else gives us a lot of freedom and abundance. We don't even have to ask for it, we don't need to use any strategy to choose this power, it's all free! We let go of our way of attracting others to us. We relax. We are in love. It almost flies literally. We are high! Everything seems more colorful, more vivid, we feel simpler, life seems easier, everything goes by itself, we feel like we love everyone and everything, even our angry boss! Nothing can harm us, we feel safe and energized. But this is his power! I fly with someone else's power, and man's power is limited!

That is exactly the problem! This flow of free energy begins to decline, as one returns to his business and the activities he once had. Why? The body cannot handle this amount of adrenaline for long, they say, but the real reason is we need to learn to draw our energy from somewhere else, not from man but from the source of energy itself.

So our lover gives us less energy for free than before. We used to have this flow of energy and now we have to do it again ourselves! Free power is very simple! We do not have to make an effort to find it! And now that we're getting a little bit of this free energy, we don't want to let this happen. At this point our old energy-taking system is beginning due to a lack of energy (there is an alarm inside us: Danger! Lack of energy!) And the old way of capturing energy for others begins to work in our head. and in our conduct. The machine that used to work when we were children to get power from our parents, will start to run out of power now. We did what we did as a child to gain the strength to go our own way.

We can do this by playing the victim (Oh dear, look at everything I do and no one is grateful! Look how good I am and still life beats me with disapproval, disease and sorrow! Oh oh oh!). Or we get attention by being angry, shouting and trying to dominate someone else. The third way is by harassing the other person by asking too many questions and controlling him or her. The fourth program plays silence, refusing to communicate, not speaking and responding, so someone will do their best to reconnect with you and this will give you their energy.

These programs will surely make another power flow in your own way. But what about next? The other one is exhausted and wants to regain his strength. So now his performance is due to his lack of energy. Now he is going to use a system that convinced him of the power of his parents at an early age, to get his power over you. He will shout at you, or play a poor man who deserves no treatment, or harass you with a lot of questions, or refuse to be touched.

This explains why we hurt our loved ones. The first reason we want their power, the power they give once and for all is free. We hurt our loved ones once and for all because they gave us free love and strength and attention in the beginning and now we have to do it ourselves and get angry and want to get back to them. We think we have a right to have their energy free and start our own way of getting it. The second reason they hurt the most is because of their simplicity: they stay close, their energy is available so when we are exhausted we try to snatch their energy, and hurt them by doing so.

Stealing power from another person hurts him.

What can we do about it? We should only connect with other people if we are sure we are full